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JCBC Films is a Centre Of Excellence in the field of being complained about.

If you would like to register a complaint against JCBC Films, then please read the following questions and suggestions so we can file and categorise the nature of your complaint more easily.

Please structure your letter accordingly;

Dear JCBC Films,

I wish to register my complaint in the strongest possible terms about your stupid films. Watching them has caused me much anguish. I feel that your films are (please insert the following key phrase);

• Evil
• Homophobic
• Racist
• Fucking stupid
• Likely to cause a Holocaust
• Likely to make me rape
• Already making me rape

I hope all of you at JCBC Films rot in Hell. I urge you not to make any more films, and if you do, I will come round your house and I will (please insert the following key phrase);

• Destroy you

Seriously, no fucking about, I hate you and if it were possible, I would have gone back in time and killed your families so you could not be born. But given that you have been born, and have made these stupid little films, I demand some compensation. I will accept (please insert the following key phrase);

• an unconditional apology
• a promise that you will hang yourselves
• a boat
• a week off work with a prostitute
• a go on a jet fighter plane
• a tour of a vineyard in Spain or Chile
• your cocks in a phial

Thank you for considering my complaint. I enclose a cheque made payable to JCBC Films in the sum of £69.99 to cover your administration costs.

Yours faithfully,

(please insert the following key phrase);

• Your name

Please note that complaints will not be accepted without the cheque in the sum of £69.99. All valid complaints will be taken very seriously, and will be adjudicated by Messers Clark (J) and Coughlan (B).


For a prewritten copy of the letter just click here.



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