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JCBC
HISTORY
JCBC Films was
the idea of Blaine and Jamie, two
little boys from Cambodia, who just
wanted to make people smile and drink
Coca Cola manufactured in Cambodia.
They wrote that song about teaching
the world to sing in harmony (lyrics
JCBC Films / music Rogers & Hart).
But bad things
happened along the way and the days
grew darker, not lighter, and JCBC
Films became associated with the Devil
and The Wicker Man. It is only recently
that JCBC Films have been able to
extricate themselves from all this
darkness, death and murder, and have
concentrated on making fictions and
silly little films. They’ve
also given up looking for Rowan. But
the roots of the company, and the
ethos of JCBC Films, are entrenched
in history like some wasted fable
that is told by gnarled old women
with no teeth and a bad smell of piss
about them.
JCBC Films was
formed in the aftermath of the Protestant
Reformation in Wittenburg, Saxony,
in 1517 and original Board Members
– despite the obvious and grotesque
anachronisms demonstrated here –
included Martin Luther, Eleanor of
Aquitaine, Yehudi Menuhin, Moomin
Troll and Roger Daltrey.
The first film
indeed was the brainchild of Aquitaine,
when she came up with a sharp parable
satire on the ludicrous custom of
tithing in agricultural England. She
cleverly denounced the political framework
of Middle England parliamentary charges
with the arresting visual of a naked
shepherd farting on a newly shorn
goat.
The Film was immediately
tried by ordeal and was drowned in
the River Severn as a Heathen Witch,
but gained a legacy and popular notoriety
amongst the commoners and lepers of
Somerset and Avon.
The film company
quickly separated from their Religious
Doctrine and became a safe haven for
all the waifs, strays and urchins
across Europe and the New Lands which
they called America.
JCBC Films invented
Australia, that’s a fact.
JCBC Films also
invented language, the Tower of Babel,
and Wikipedia.
Despite everything
we have stated above, the earliest
documentary evidence of JCBC Films
can actually be seen woven into the
fibres of the long bit of bog cloth
that is the Bayeux Tapestry. Shortly
after Guillaume le Bâtard sailed
across the Bay Of Bengal and established
armaments at the small town in rural
England that would later become ‘Battle’,
JCBC Films turned up and tried to
break up the fighting with a spontaneous
display of entertainment and frippery.
However, what they assumed would be
accepted as a farrago of outstanding
wit would become the real catalyst
for the French outrage. It is an unknown
fact that Harold was never actually
present at the Battle, but he relinquished
the English crown in shame when he
heard of the antics of ‘Ye Olde
Idiots that be JCBC Films and their
Lazy Dongles’ and stabbed himself
in the eye with an arrow.
JCBC Films was
then outlawed in The Doomsday Book,
and was only re-established in the
last century following an underground
campaign led by The Illuminati, who
then went on to murder Popes and stuff.
The next documentary
evidence of JCBC Films in history
sees them standing alongside Ghandi.
But herein lies
the truth. JCBC Films never accepted
that they could be outlawed, so they
escaped on a boat to India, where
from 1067 until 1947, they lived in
hiding inside the digestive tract
of a right massive Elephant called
Eric Djemba-Djemba (who later went
on to play for Nantes, Manchester
United and Aston Villa, and represent
Cameroon in the 2002 World Cup Finals)…
Whilst in India,
they established a reputation for
persiflage, lampoonery, repartee and
crafting fine weaponery. They made
knives, nun-chukkas, bludgeoning stones,
and they invented guns as a gift to
the nation.
They were escorted
out of the country on logs when their
so-called gift was used to wipe-out
their mate Ghandi.
They next turned
up in Texas in 1963. Befriending an
awkward twat called Lee Harvey Oswald,
they introduced him to the joys of
their new-fangled invention for destroying
the fuck out of things. Lee loved
it, and embittered the boys at JCBC
Films when he took their generosity
and used a gun to blow open a hole
in the head of their next new friend,
John Fitzgerald Kennedy.
JCBC Films took
back their guns in disgust, and gave
it to a nice young boy called Mark
Chapman for safe-keeping…
 .
It was at this
stage that JCBC Films stopped making
guns and moved back into films.
A study of JCBC
Films activity carried out in 2006
by Professor Remi Moses (who played
for Manchester United and West Bromwich
Albion in the mid 1980s) showed that
the company should be questioned about
the deaths of over 3 million people,
including the Big Bopper. So far,
JCBC Films have yet to deny their
involvement.
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