|
JCBC GUEST STARS
CHRIS
YOUNG ("Dial 'M' for
Killings")
Due
to a recent super-injuction, we are
permitted neither to disclose Chris's
involvement with our company nor to
reveal his name or image so just discard
what you've just seen, ta.
ELYSE
MARKS ("Friend,"
"Lord of the Farts.")
They
say that you should never work with
children or animals. Elyse would like
to add JCBC Films to that list after
the harrowing, life-changing experience
she was made to endure.
CATHERINE
ECCLES ("PlayTimes,"
"Mom Knows Best!!")
We
extend our most sincere surprise to
Catherine who, after a huge amount
of soul-searching, decided not to
punch us both in the teeth with her
strange titanium fist attachment.
MAURICE
BYRNE ("Jamie's New
Wife," "Disons Adieu a Blaine.")
"Helliye-de-dye,
de diddily dye," is the verbal
entry code for Maurice's luxury London
pad but this is incredibly top secret
so don't tell anyone and don't burgle
him either.
LYDIA
GREENTREE
("Trivial Pursuit," "What
Lies Beneath.")
Lydia
has possibly had the toughest of times
of all of the recent JCBC guest stars
as one of her roles featured the extensive
reference of many many bottoms.
HANNAH
MERCER (“Why Didn't
You Stop Him?” "The Sofa.")
All I needed was
the love you gave... All I needed
for another day... And all I ever
knew... Only Hannah. That's
Hannah Mercer, we mean, not Hannah
Saucepan of Crewe.
LEIGH
EMMA NICHOLSON (“What
We Did Last Christmas”)
Contemplating
the true nature of friendship and
cramp, it's always a good idea to
imagine what Leigh would do when faced
with a herd of stampeding oxen and
cheesemen.
BRENDAN
DEVITT (“Three's a
Crowd”)
With international
flights becoming more and more undesirable
and full of lice, Brendan remains
the only Australian ever to have set
foot in the UK. (As of 2011.)
GREG SMITH
(“Industrial Espionage”)
Greg can currently
be seen in the controversial stage
revival of "Yeah, Sit on that
Lap." Check it out but take precautions.
MADDY
CARRICK (“Inconvenient
Proposal,” "The Pursuit
of Snackiness," "Worst Case
Scenario")
Maddy definitely
ain't no Hollaback girl. In fact,
she doesn't even know what that means
and nor do I.
CHLOE
METCALFE ("Inconvenient
Proposal," “The Pursuit
of Snackiness,” "Worst
Case Scenario")
Chloe came agonisingly
close to winning the silver medal
for Gymnastics and GBH Archery at
the last Summer Olympic games. Alas,
she forgot to post her application
form.
DAVID
HAHN (“The Lost Boy”)
English weather
is not one of David's favourite things
and this was proved comprehensively
in the snows of early 2010 when his
fingers were transformed into cumbersome
ice nipples.
JULIA
ENGLAND (“The Lost
Boy ”)
Although her surname
is England, Julia was, in fact, born
on the moon. The whole situation was
covered up by various Governments
with the assistance of Bob Carolgees.
ROBBY
HAYNES (" The BlackJack
Misconception," “Roadkill”)
Robby looks like
one of the most lovely men to have
ever walked the Earth. This is particularly
fortunate as it helps to cover up
the fact that he's a serial killer.
CHRIS
ROGERS (“Hostage!”)
A bloke goes up
to a woman and says, “Oi, wanna
touch me old curiosity pipe?”
She looks at him and says, “No”.
He is forced to walk away.
LAURA
WADDELL (“Hostage!”)
Petite lady, pretty,
20s, wltf friendship and possibly
more with man, 25-35. Must be clean.
No strings attached, new passport
and papers will be supplied after
any encounter.
FUZZ ROBARDS
(“A Matter Of Knife And Death,”
"Worst Case Scenario")
Robert is a paradox.
A tautology. An oxymoron. A maverick.
A Man About Town. A Doctor In The
House. A Man For All Seasons. Or is
he…?!
ROBERT
WILKINSON (“A Matter
Of Knife And Death”)
Robert has a cortina.
He calls it Jackie. Every Saturday
night, he drives around Vange in Jackie,
looking for action. He hasn’t
found any, and is now looking to move
to Saffron Walden.
SINÉAD
CLANCY (“Dances
With Wolves II,”"The Interpreter,"
"In Her Footsteps.")
I can see Sinéad
waving goodbye. God it looks like
Sinéad, must be the clouds
in my eyes. Wuh Ho Hoo…
LINDSAY
BURKE (“The Last Supper”)
Lindsay, Lindsay,
pudding and pie. Kissed the boys and
made them cry. All the King’s
Horses and all the King’s Men,
realised they had encroached into
the wrong nursery rhyme.
JENNIFER
CORREN (“The Uninvited”)
The score was
0-0. It was 1985, the FA Cup Final.
Everton V Man Utd. With extra-time
nearly finished, and penalties looming,
Jennifer was ambivalent about who
would win.
NAOMI
GEORGE (Presenter –
“Did You See That”)
There is a wall
in a small town in Detroit that reads
‘Naomi George done a poop here’.
We hope this is unconnected with this
Naomi.
GRÁINNE KEENAN
(Adjudicator – “Did You
See That”)
Splat, splat,
splat went the sound. Gráinne
was confused. What could that sound
be? It turned out to be dignity, disguised
as water in a tap.
LAUREN
BIGBY (Jemima Fezziwig –
“Yeast Tenders”)
Lauren graced
the screen in Yeast Tenders as the
beautiful Jemima. But she disgraced
herself behind scenes with her unlicensed
autopsies.
ALEX WYLIE
(Tevye McGowan – “Yeast
Tenders”)
Alex was traumatised
at an early age when his history teacher
cautioned him that, if he put a seed
up his nose, it would germinate in
his brain.
LIZ
YATES (Old Bat/Jamie –
“Quagmire of Slapp”)
Since working
with JCBC Films in 1974, Liz tried
to scratch her face off and live out
life as a freak of nature in Sunderland.
TREVOR
CAREY (“Quagmire of
Slapp”, “Yeast Tenders”)
Trevor is a solid
friend of JCBC Films, and this led
to his arrest of January 6th, 2003.
He has been refused parole ever since.
|
