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CHRIS YOUNG ("Dial 'M' for Killings")

Due to a recent super-injuction, we are permitted neither to disclose Chris's involvement with our company nor to reveal his name or image so just discard what you've just seen, ta.

ELYSE MARKS ("Friend," "Lord of the Farts.")

They say that you should never work with children or animals. Elyse would like to add JCBC Films to that list after the harrowing, life-changing experience she was made to endure.

CATHERINE ECCLES ("PlayTimes," "Mom Knows Best!!")

We extend our most sincere surprise to Catherine who, after a huge amount of soul-searching, decided not to punch us both in the teeth with her strange titanium fist attachment.

MAURICE BYRNE ("Jamie's New Wife," "Disons Adieu a Blaine.")

"Helliye-de-dye, de diddily dye," is the verbal entry code for Maurice's luxury London pad but this is incredibly top secret so don't tell anyone and don't burgle him either.

LYDIA GREENTREE ("Trivial Pursuit," "What Lies Beneath.")

Lydia has possibly had the toughest of times of all of the recent JCBC guest stars as one of her roles featured the extensive reference of many many bottoms.

HANNAH MERCER (“Why Didn't You Stop Him?” "The Sofa.")

All I needed was the love you gave... All I needed for another day... And all I ever knew... Only Hannah. That's Hannah Mercer, we mean, not Hannah Saucepan of Crewe.

LEIGH EMMA NICHOLSON (“What We Did Last Christmas”)

Contemplating the true nature of friendship and cramp, it's always a good idea to imagine what Leigh would do when faced with a herd of stampeding oxen and cheesemen.

BRENDAN DEVITT (“Three's a Crowd”)

With international flights becoming more and more undesirable and full of lice, Brendan remains the only Australian ever to have set foot in the UK. (As of 2011.)

GREG SMITH (“Industrial Espionage”)

Greg can currently be seen in the controversial stage revival of "Yeah, Sit on that Lap." Check it out but take precautions.

MADDY CARRICK (“Inconvenient Proposal,” "The Pursuit of Snackiness," "Worst Case Scenario")

Maddy definitely ain't no Hollaback girl. In fact, she doesn't even know what that means and nor do I.

CHLOE METCALFE ("Inconvenient Proposal," “The Pursuit of Snackiness,” "Worst Case Scenario")

Chloe came agonisingly close to winning the silver medal for Gymnastics and GBH Archery at the last Summer Olympic games. Alas, she forgot to post her application form.

DAVID HAHN (“The Lost Boy”)

English weather is not one of David's favourite things and this was proved comprehensively in the snows of early 2010 when his fingers were transformed into cumbersome ice nipples.

JULIA ENGLAND (“The Lost Boy ”)

Although her surname is England, Julia was, in fact, born on the moon. The whole situation was covered up by various Governments with the assistance of Bob Carolgees.

ROBBY HAYNES (" The BlackJack Misconception," “Roadkill”)

Robby looks like one of the most lovely men to have ever walked the Earth. This is particularly fortunate as it helps to cover up the fact that he's a serial killer.

CHRIS ROGERS (“Hostage!”)

A bloke goes up to a woman and says, “Oi, wanna touch me old curiosity pipe?” She looks at him and says, “No”. He is forced to walk away.

LAURA WADDELL (“Hostage!”)

Petite lady, pretty, 20s, wltf friendship and possibly more with man, 25-35. Must be clean. No strings attached, new passport and papers will be supplied after any encounter.

FUZZ ROBARDS (“A Matter Of Knife And Death,” "Worst Case Scenario")

Robert is a paradox. A tautology. An oxymoron. A maverick. A Man About Town. A Doctor In The House. A Man For All Seasons. Or is he…?!

ROBERT WILKINSON (“A Matter Of Knife And Death”)

Robert has a cortina. He calls it Jackie. Every Saturday night, he drives around Vange in Jackie, looking for action. He hasn’t found any, and is now looking to move to Saffron Walden.

SINÉAD CLANCY (“Dances With Wolves II,”"The Interpreter," "In Her Footsteps.")

I can see Sinéad waving goodbye. God it looks like Sinéad, must be the clouds in my eyes. Wuh Ho Hoo…

LINDSAY BURKE (“The Last Supper”)

Lindsay, Lindsay, pudding and pie. Kissed the boys and made them cry. All the King’s Horses and all the King’s Men, realised they had encroached into the wrong nursery rhyme.

JENNIFER CORREN (“The Uninvited”)

The score was 0-0. It was 1985, the FA Cup Final. Everton V Man Utd. With extra-time nearly finished, and penalties looming, Jennifer was ambivalent about who would win.

NAOMI GEORGE (Presenter – “Did You See That”)

There is a wall in a small town in Detroit that reads ‘Naomi George done a poop here’. We hope this is unconnected with this Naomi.

GRÁINNE KEENAN (Adjudicator – “Did You See That”)

Splat, splat, splat went the sound. Gráinne was confused. What could that sound be? It turned out to be dignity, disguised as water in a tap.

LAUREN BIGBY (Jemima Fezziwig – “Yeast Tenders”)

Lauren graced the screen in Yeast Tenders as the beautiful Jemima. But she disgraced herself behind scenes with her unlicensed autopsies.

ALEX WYLIE (Tevye McGowan – “Yeast Tenders”)

Alex was traumatised at an early age when his history teacher cautioned him that, if he put a seed up his nose, it would germinate in his brain.

LIZ YATES (Old Bat/Jamie – “Quagmire of Slapp”)

Since working with JCBC Films in 1974, Liz tried to scratch her face off and live out life as a freak of nature in Sunderland.

TREVOR CAREY (“Quagmire of Slapp”, “Yeast Tenders”)

Trevor is a solid friend of JCBC Films, and this led to his arrest of January 6th, 2003. He has been refused parole ever since.


If you see any of these people, please contact CRIMESTOPPERS immediately.

You probably won't have much time...



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