Since
the turn of the 16th century,
Blaine and Jamie have been
making films. Sometimes for
themselves, sometimes with
other people and sometimes
for commissioned work so it
could be shown on an Idiot's
Lantern. Below, you will find
a grubby selection of such
stuff… Sadly, most of the
early films (pre-1960) have
since been destroyed by the
Propaganda Police, as some
of it was, in hindsight, bloody
offensive.
Blaine:
I love to wish everyone a Merry
Christmas so you can clearly
understand the rage that ensues
here...
Jamie:
I have done nothing wrong.
You better watch out; you better not cry; you better not pout... and, if you watch this, the reasons will all become horrifically apparent.
After
several comments about our over-reliance
on toilet humour, we decided
to try a completely different
route...
The
unsettling true story comes
to the screen...
Based
around a woman's fight against
the injustice and inhumanity
she faced in an office one lunch
time or other, Kate Davies simply
cared TOO much...
Based
on Irish folklore, this classic
tale of Good versus Evil is
played out in a majestic amalgamation
of dance, love and blow-offs.
The
audience are drawn into a mythical
world of love, danger and odours.
Will the Lord reign supreme
over the Evil Demon and win
the heart of his beloved White
Dove?
Blaine plans to meet Jamie at the pub but then the thorny issue of dress code arises.
An
irresistible force (a twat) meets
an immovable object (a second
twat) in this whimsical yet haunting
scenario that will leave you enraged
with frustration and hatred.
Sometimes, something occurs that is so traumatic that it requires a flashy title sequence, dramatic reconstructions and a plethora of talking heads to process it fully.
Treat yourself to the freshest glossiest new sitcom sensation from the States but enjoy it while you can as there are some dodgy goings-on afoot.
Maurice is devastated by the loss of his friend Blaine. On top of that, Jamie (a lesser friend) has arrived with some unexpected news.
Miss Hannah is having a lovely sit down before Jamie and Blaine, two prospective suitors, enter the fray.
The true and devastatingly important story of a Brighton based meeting in 1984. A dinner party plays backdrop to one of the most important things ever in the short history of the world so far.
Chris, Blaine & Jamie are having a catch-up with the odd beer when a phonecall brings their afternoon into full, disgusting disrepute.
Elyse returns home from work to a bizarre surprise from her past.
A catastrophic clerical error resulted in an invitation for JCBC Films to move into the Childrens' TV market.
Jamie has just returned home from Allied Carpets - where he met the love of his life, the gorgeous Dubliner - Mary... But in that lovestruck madness, did he remember to bring Blaine's milk back with him???
Lydia is bang in the middle of a crucial deal, when her very life itself is threatened by the marauding presence behind her...
Hannah
is nervous about welcoming hubby
Blaine back home with his cousin
who hasn't seen since they were
both four... Her gentle anxious
anticipation is more than well
founded...
He has just woken up to find he is trapped in a tight space... He can't move properly... The air is running out... And he had a very, very rich meal last night...
It's Christmas Eve, 2010, and Leigh has been getting the house and kids ready for the big day tomorrow. The last thing any family needs in that situation is just about to walk through the door. Right into her face.
It's one of the most important questions that people have been musing since the begining of time... Now, JCBC Films finally reveals the answer.
Brendan and Blaine are watching the footie when Jamie returns home, and jumps to a very hasty conclusion...
Sinead
loves her husband, a doctor, but
cannot bring herself to have intimacy
with him. A beautiful young woman,
she converts her fantasises into
reality. This leads her into bad
company and unforeseen consequences.
As normal with JCBC Films,
the message is more subtle than
any factual summary could convey.
Deferent viewers read different
things into this film, but it
certainly manages to convey
unsettling eroticism without
even the slightest lapse into
explicit pornographic content.
Blaine needs
to keep the weight off his leg
but he lives on the fifteenth
floor and Jamie needs him to come
down to collect a package...
Coming Up...
It's the latest amazing episode
of the acclaimed docu-soap, "Flatmates."
Greg is having
rather a tough day at work. Therefore,
the very last thing he needs is
this cretinous pair of knobs...
Blaine and
Jamie are making plans for the
early hours of 2010, but matters
conspire to make them reflect
on the year gone... Happy New
Year from JCBC Films!
It's Christmas
Eve and Grandad Jamie is tucking
Toddler Blaine into bed for the
night...
Maddy, Chloe,
Vicky and the boys are settling
down for an afternoon in front
of the TV... It ought to be as
simple as that...
JCBC Films
proudly present a selection of
artistic curios and beautiful
accessories for you to buy from
their very special warehouse facility...
Jamie has
a very special question to ask
Maddy while Blaine and Chloe are
looking for someone to take their
photo.
At 4 o'clock
in the morning, Jamie is awoken
by the sound of breaking glass.
What has happened? Can the truth
ever possibly be uncovered...?
A moment's
lack of concentration leaves Robby
with quite a dilemma in the form
of a prone Jamie.
Blaine Coughlan
was a happy boy who went missing
in the village of Duton Hill one
week ago...
Mr Clark
would like to conclude his deal
as quickly as possible, however,
Mr Coughlan's rarified language
and ignorance of English could
be a problem. Fortunately, Miss
Clancy, a renowned interpreter
of great self-proclaimed personal
skill is on hand to help...
An afternoon
in for the lads, playing Blackjack,
drinking beer and enjoying a little
gamble... Robby likes to think
himself quite the player, but
will he cope with Blaine's new
mate Jamie, who is joining them
for the first time...?
Laura holds
Chris at knifepoint atop a building
in London. Everything is dramatic
and tense, and everything's gonna
kick-off at 7pm sharp... It's
6:56pm now, and thankfully, help
is at hand - plain clothes cops
Blaine and Jamie have just turned
up. That's fine then, everything
will be sorted. For sure...
Blaine
has an important audition coming
up and avails himself of renowned
accent coach, Jamie...
Blaine Ford
Coffola is having trouble with
a boy in the village who is humiliating
his daughter. He must seek revenge,
and naturally turns to Don Jamieoli
for help...
Blaine is
feeling uppity, bored and badly
dubbed, which is bad news for
Jamie, as he decides to pay a
visit... But are Jamie's directions
to his house all that they seem???
Blaine has
just finished writing his magnificent
autobiography, a lifetime's work
and ambition... He proudly tells
his friend Jamie, who asks for
a read...
A body. A
knife. A confession. A pizza.
But does any of it make any sense?
Lindsay and
Jamie call in to wish their friend
Blaine Happy Housewarming for
his new flat. Lindsay missed lunch
and is starving...
Blaine only
really wants a simple cup of tea,
but circumstances and phantasms
conspire against him. The mystical
Jennifer is fortunately aware
of his troubles and makes her
talent available for him to rid
his house of terror...
Mr Clark would like a bespoke portrait of himself created. Sadly, he has employed Mr Coughlan for this task...
Jamie and
Blaine discover that there is
only one Cherry Bakewell left...
Jamie is
just about to eat a bowl of cornflakes
when he's distracted by Blaine's
mysterious new magic act...
The
tragedy is that it's all so
upsettingly unnecessary.
Sinead is
shattered after looking after
the newborn baby when Jamie arrives
home early with mischief on his
mind...
The Christmas
Number One from 2009.
Be careful
what you wish for...
An utterly
incoherent cockney rant from a
bloke against another bloke which
seems to make no sense whatsoever.
After the
failed sandwich transaction, Noah
- with flawed logic - decides
he cannot waste the ingredients,
much to Steve's astonishment.
The conclusion is messy...
Noah and
Steve attempt a simple transaction
to sell their sandwiches and bread-type
produce. But it doesn't really
work out...
Noah Phillips
(Jamie Clark) and Steve Cupboard
(Blaine Coughlan) are watching
TV when they receive a surprise
visit, of sorts...
A pair of
witless, low rent, low concept
film-makers decide to make a horror
movie, on the cheap...
A trailer
for the film-makers' next project.
It's about big toads. Only their
belief in their own talent is
in any way dramatic...